Thursday, May 29, 2014

kinda a big announcement... like the BIGGEST ever.

So... we have some news...






Some really, really big news....





The kind of news that you want to shout from the rooftops!!




But, you don't.  Because that's weird.  So instead you find an incredibly talented photographer, rent an adorable little pair of wooden shoes, spike your hubby's hair up, and find a way to announce it to the world.

My friends, it's been a really long couple years.  Really long.  And it's finally starting to feel like we're on our way out of it... like there are only good things in sight for the Loedings.  FINALLY.

So, with great nerves and even greater panic (seriously, panic), we'll share our story with you, the whole world...  If you care to know more of our lives, our story, or how to help, please read on (and check back every couple weeks)...  This is your invitation.  We invite you into being a part of our story, a part of our family, and a part of our future.

So here goes the first of many adoption related posts... the letter we recently sent to many of our family and friends.



Friends and family.

We pray that this finds you well!  As you may have guessed from our totally adorable photo, WE’RE ADOPTING!  A surprise for some of you and for others of you, the permission that you finally needed to be able to talk about it! This really awesome, super fantastic news doesn’t come without sadness but we are overcome with joy and thanksgiving about the opportunity that God has given us to invite a child into our home and into our hearts.

I have been scouring the internet for almost a month looking for “sample adoption letters” or the “perfect example letter” or even “a pathetic attempt at writing an adoption letter”… Google failed me on all search accounts.  I did find a couple suggestions though… be heartfelt and honest about your story, invite people into your lives, and pray that God blesses BOTH parties in the process.  So, here goes nothing…

It has been a rough couple of years for the Loedings.  Lots of house issues, numerous health issues, two foot surgeries, and, (the cherry to top it all off) Jeremy and I have been trying for over two years to get pregnant.  As you very quickly noticed, our announcement was not about pregnancy.  After a year of monthly tears and another year of invasive testing, failed medication, failed insemination, and two failed rounds of in vitro, God has finally gotten his point across.  We’re meant to adopt a child that God has already created; one that desperately needs a family. (I wish we would have understood this before the hundreds of very expensive and painful needles!!)

So, here we are: in the middle of this long and messy and stressful and WONDERFUL process of waiting for a baby to find his or her way to our home.  The problem is, we don’t have the funds to do it alone.  As you may or may not know, the process of adoption is quite expensive (around $20,000)!  As awkward as it feels to ask: we need help. As the people that have always surrounded US with your encouragement and prayers and love, we’re asking for your help.  We are thrilled and honored that we’re able to be a family to a baby that needs us.  A baby that will need loved and cherished and supported and appreciated for the true gift that he or she will be. Our current reality is that we are still approximately $10,000 short after draining our savings account and saving every extra penny that we could for the last couple years. We’ve given up much – and will continue to give up much – in the hopes of saving enough money for this adventure but life circumstances have happened (time and time again!) and we’ve fallen short. 

Would you consider coming alongside Jeremy and I as we look to
bring home the “missing piece” of our family?

We are looking for help in any of the following ways:
1. A donation toward our upcoming “end of summer” garage sale.  That’s right, we’re looking for the stuff that you have laying around the house and have been meaning to get rid of!  Or, if any of you are super crafty or artistic and have the desire/ability to make something that we could sell at our garage sale, that would be awesome!  Crafts, paintings, food, lemonade stands… the possibilities are endless! Please contact us if you have anything that you would like to donate or if you would be willing to help before, during, or after the garage sale.

2. A financial donation (specifically for our adoption) to Bethany Christian Services.  Any amount, no matter how small, would be incredibly appreciated. Your can send your donation directly to Bethany just please remember to include our names on the memo line! The address is 617 Franklin Street, Suite 207, Pella, Iowa 50219.

3. A financial donation directly to us (to go toward current adoption loans/fees that are outside the “Bethany realm”).  Two options: directly to our PayPal account at juiekloeding@gmail.com or by sending the donation to our address.  809 East 3rd Street, Pella, Iowa 50219

4. Finally, prayer! Please pray for us during this time of applications, our home study, and waiting (there is not set time frame – it could be a couple months, it could be a couple years!).  Pray that the process and waiting would go quickly.  Please also pray for the biological mom that is carrying or will be carrying our baby to be!  Prayers for her physical health, for the health of our baby, and for the mother’s mind as she’s struggling through this incredibly difficult decision.

Thank you, everyone, for your constant support and love.  Thank you too for your joy and excitement about our “big news”! We are truly blessed to have you in our lives.

With love and excitement,   
Jeremy and Julie Loeding
809 East 3rd Street, Pella, Iowa 50219 :: 641-780-4300 (Julie) :: 641-231-1545 (Jeremy)

Monday, June 24, 2013

my current reality.

Life.

It's unexpected.

Disappointing.  Heartbreaking.  Frustrating.  Exhausting.

It's also offensive and hurtful... which is what you might think about me after reading my thoughts below.  I'm ok with this.  Not proud of it but also not ashamed.  Because today I'm feeling real.  I'm feeling dark.  I'm feeling honest.  I'm actually feeling.   

Feeling... 

I know that I'm lucky for endless reasons. I'm married to a wonderful man that I love with my whole being.  I have a beautiful house and an obnoxiously adorable puppy that loves to follow me around the house without end, that cuddles up on my lap every time I sit down, and that snuggles next to my tummy all night long while Jeremy's working.  I have a job that I (mostly) love and during the summers my only goal is to get tan.  I live in America, a place of freedoms and opportunities that millions of people around this world will never know...

I know all of these things.  I am a lucky girl with a blessed life.  Some people only pray that they'll someday have what is my day to day life.

So why does life hurt so bad right now?  Why does it hurt every morning to get out of bed after weeks of sleepless nights?  Why do I catch myself every day with tears randomly running down my cheeks?  Why does it feel impossible to check facebook or instagram or twitter?  Why do I get angry and bitter and hateful toward strangers every time I'm walking around WalMart or HyVee or church?

We can't get pregnant.  It's been over a year of endless attempts, ovulation kits, temperature taking, and invasive testing that has rendered heartbreaking results.  It may never happen for us.  I may never know the joy of carrying a child or the delight in showing my husband those stupid two lines that forever change your life.   

Never.

This word hangs in the air around me.  Not just sometimes, but all the time. It bounces off the walls and reverberates straight back into my broken heart. 

Jeremy is so positive, so optimistic, so convinced that things will work out for us; that someday we'll hold in our arms our own little miracle.  This just makes me angrier.  It makes me feel guilty for feeling hopeless, for being angry at God, for being emotionally incapable of being happy for everyone around me - the gloriously pregnant or the parents of a newborn or even those that are dragging their screaming 6 year old around the store.  I feel evil for wanting to throw my phone and computer across the room every time I log onto facebook or instagram where I see hundreds of baby and pregnancy pictures posted with nauseating status updates about how lucky they are, how they can't imagine life without their perfect, happy little family.  I even came upon one status that implied one's life is without purpose and contentment unless you have a child.  Yeah.  I'm angry.

These moments, which happen day in and day out, feel like a slap across my face.  Check that, these moments feel like these people are literally reaching into my chest ripping my already bleeding heart right out of my chest.

Graphic?

Maybe.

Dramatic?

No.

It's honesty.  For the first time in a long time.  

The one thing I've always known about myself is that I am meant to be a mother.  I've never been more sure of anything in my life. 

Now this.

So what? What should I think, feel, do??

I have no idea.




I guess I just breathe.  In and out.  All day long.  Today, tomorrow, the next day...

Maybe some day just breathing will turn back into really living.  

Until then, breathing is about all I can muster. 



Saturday, August 11, 2012

In love with my classroom!

Well, this isn't so much a post about being a Mrs., but instead a post about being a teacher... :)  Can you blame me?  It's that time of year!  After 6 full days of living in my classroom, it's finished and it's BEAUTIFUL!  Definitely my favorite classroom so far and helps a little to take away the sting of having only three more days of summer...

So, here you go - a classroom tour of my first grade room! I'm THRILLED with how it turned out!!

hallway display.  hours of my life down the drain.


my new sign! :)  outside my room...

view walking in the door

worth a try, right?

word wall and library (part of the library)

goals, CAFE, and listening center

view from my desk

view from my desk

my new student spotlight board!!

my new cabinet in action :)

daily 5 and math stations (and my new pillow!) - missing two students' pictures though :(

hoping for donations and my new crates in action! :)

family tree - will add student's photos when they arrive (so bummed it's fuzzy!)

more library and computer station

computer station

paintings i made several years back - live, laugh

learn, love

learning target board and strategy posters

more new pillows!

table signs

unfortunately, most of the "grabbers" can't read the warning signs...

yup, more library

view from the corner of the lockers

helper board... unfinished

the end.



Hope you enjoyed your first grade visit!!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Bathroom Love Notes...

What is the one thing all women LOVE and deeply desire from their man??  Simple, the same thing that most men simply don't think to do for us.... :)  One of many communication problems we've encountered in navigating through marriage the past year...

I have always wanted to Jeremy to write me love letters, love notes, love anything really... the written word has always been an important part of my life as an educator and as a "grammar nazi" (as I was nicknamed in college) and I have ached to wake up to beautiful sonnets of our love and happiness.  Well, it hasn't exactly happened... no fault to my husband, it's just not his love language.  Similarly, playing 8 hours straight of strategy board games with literally 40 pages of instructions isn't my love language.   Shocking, I know. 

Insert my project from earlier this week...

Our bathroom love notes - please note my hand sticking out of the door :)  Only my hubby gets to see my pjs!!




Let me zoom in a bit so you can actually see what it is...

The love note I woke up to this morning from my husband - who HATES writing me love letters!






And my note back to him...


I purchased a super awesome picture frame from Hobby Lobby (always 50% off!), used some leftover Christmas gift wrapping, grabbed a black dry erase marker, and viola!  $10 creation... Bathroom love notes.  I hid the marker an eraser behind the candles so it's a quick and easy grab and we're both loving the surprise of seeing a new little note (I think we've both used the bathroom about twice as much as usual over the past couple days!) whenever we pop into the bathroom.

My husband loves having a simple and no-pressure way to love on me and I love seeing his face when he comes out of the bathroom with a little smirk on his face... speaking of, he just got out of the shower, I'm going to go check for a new one! :) 


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Wonderful(ish) Trip to My Favorite Place...

My wonderful husband and I overlooking La Mision




Spent my yearly vacation last week in Mexico.  It did not include resorts and spas and massages and pedicures (actually, the removal of a pedicure).  It did include 45 students, my husband, 100 kids at an orphanage, un-flushed toilets, and 1,000,000 flea and mange ridden dogs... You know, like my usual (other than the husband thing) summer vaca!


It was a ... well ... it was ... it was an interesting week.  Turns out I had caught some little flu bug before we left on Saturday and the combination of driving through the entire night and a super turbulent flight, I was down for the count.  Well, 4 of the 7 "counts" at least.  I went into this trip desiring nothing more than to just BE.  Be fun, be energetic, be the best me I could be...  All I wanted to do was to hang out with students and love up on my leaders that went with me.  An unmet goal for sure.  I failed miserably.  Which I hate.  I hate that the day I finally started feeling good enough that I could physically get out of bed (and the bathroom!), it was time to go home.  I hate that I couldn't physically manage to get the strength up to play cards or go to a soccer game.  If it didn't include my bed, I just plain couldn't do it.

The worst part?  I am the girl that needs to be loved on when sick.  My husband was there but in a different bunk on the other side of the campground.  No boys allowed.  I debated calling my mommy a hundred different times, knowing full well that she would jump on a plane and be there as soon as she could just to take care of me and rub my back and wipe my tears.  I didn't though.  I am learning to be a grown up!

The best part of the trip?  The night we snuck away to a hotel (don't go there, we were asleep by 8:30!).  I had a private bathroom with a flushing toilet (not to mention it didn't come with 10 students standing outside the door telling me to hurry up!), a HOT and un-timed shower, and a bed that allowed my hubby to cuddle up next to me, rub my back, and wipe my tears.  It was just what I needed to be back on the job site the next morning.


Week 1 group - 65 total participants



Our building group... although not in front of the house we built ... wonder why we did that!?

The last two days of the trip?  Fantastic! :)  Houses built (mostly finished), good girl time had, safety in crossing the border, beautiful night in San Diego... That's my week in a recap.  Bathroom visit after bathroom visit after bathroom visit but a great last 48 hours.  And then it was finished... as suddenly as it started.  A very long trip home, a super late arrival and there I was, with the same feelings I had 8 years earlier following one of my first Mexico trips...

"We pulled into Pella tonight and the second we we on the off ramp, I felt reality starting to consume me. All of a sudden, my life there didn't seem real. It no longer seemed important. It seemed distant - too distant to recall those exact pictures and moments where I found the Lord taking my breath away. In an instant, I was back. Thinking about McDonald's french fries, the errands I had to run, the things I had to buy, the computer I find myself sitting at... I came home to find hundreds of emails, a giant stack of bills, a lawn that needs mowed, garbage that needs taken out, and I tried to remember. I tried to remember the real issues in life: the toddlers that were unsupervised and kept behind bars 12 hours a day, the police that had turned to corruption and greed instead of integrity and honesty, the face of a homeless child who realizes he's 1 person too late to get a bowl of cereal that morning, the 12 year old girls parading the streets as child prostitutes, the old woman that was run over in the garbage dump while searching for something she could sell on the streets for a little money, the children crawling out of the garbage they call home on a daily basis. Those are problems. Not which color of lipstick or foundation I need to buy to match my new tan. Not where to put the pottery I purchased in Mexico. Not which outfit to wear to church in the morning... in the matter of minutes, the value of my experience was lost. Actually, that's inaccurate. It wasn't lost - I had simply let it go."

So, here's to remembering.  To letting it affect me.  To letting it hurt me and change me and make me a better person.  To forgetting my personal misery of the trip and remembering the joy.  To making a change and making the hard choices that life requires.

Monday, June 11, 2012

sunburns, monsoons in a tent, and the adventures in marriage...

I tend to be a planner.  An over-planner perhaps, but typically, this works in my favor.... yesterday, it did not.  Our first wedding anniversary was supposed to be perfect.  Beyond perfect actually, that that wonderful dreams are made of and blog readers literally turned green with envy at our incredible day... well, that will not happen here.  So read on freely, for if nothing else, you might feel a bit smug about how your first anniversaries turned out.

I will not share the events of the morning.  Not because of what you think happened (trust me, that would have started this day off on a much better note!) but because some fights in marriage are meant to stay in marriage.  :) Un-awesome #1.  We obviously hit up El Charro - it was still a Sunday! - and Jeremy's lunch made him a bit sick.  Un-awesome #2.  Headed to the ICubs game where it was literally 100 degrees and there was no shade to be found anywhere... here comes Un-awesome # 3:



On the up side, we always love a good ball game and in shocking ICubs fashion, they won!  The game wasn't all bad... good seats (especially when everyone around us got smart and left the game early!), great hot dogs (I've lost 14 pounds, I can have a hot dog!), and a never ending flow of ice cold diet coke.

my hubby the hottie (in desperate need of a haircut and new sunglasses!)
 

 every one of these heads left by the 2nd inning.  holy hot day.


we're seriously adorable.

Anywho.  Ball game.  At hour three, the fourth inning ended and we were definitely feeling the effects of too much sun.  Un-awesome #4?  Headaches, stomach aches, and crankiness hit us hard.  (Yes, you read that right - three hours, only 4 innings!)  So, we took off.  Best decision of the day!  The problem was, we couldn't head home because I had a surprise being set up for him in the backyard and we weren't to be home until at least 7.  We couldn't eat dinner because well, we had just eaten giant ball park hot dogs!  So, we decided to catch a movie.  :)  A perfect idea for the hottest day known to man.  Drove to Jordan Creek, movie wasn't playing. (that's 5!)  So, we sat.  In the mall.  Doing nothing until our favorite restaurant was open.  (Latin King, where we had our first date!)  Drove there, mouths watering, to discover it's closed on Sundays (this is a rant for another day!).  Yup, #6.  Turned around AGAIN and headed back toward West Des Moines.  Came to a shockingly fast stop in the middle of I80 and sat in traffic for an hour due to one of the worst accidents either of us has ever seen.  Covering all three lanes of traffic and as we drove by, they were cutting a woman out of the truck that was laying on it's hood.  (Insert lots of prayers for these people!)  (This equals at least 4 un-awesomes) Dinner at HuHot and then headed home for him to find this... 


And this... 


And this... 


And these people... 


(Happy Curt day!)
 

(thanks to the Aubergs for setting up the tent and campfire fun!)

Happy to report that campfire was wonderful, the smores were fantastic, the company was incredible and the twinkle lights were beautiful.  Enjoyed the thought of sleeping in the tent and made it until about midnight when we could no longer breathe and headed in to enjoy some AC.  An hour later, torrential downpour.  Sometimes God works in sneaky ways... :)

We are sooooo thankful for a wonderful year of marriage and for all of our friends and family that have loved and supported us during this time.  Now, looking forward to year 2 (everyone says that the first year is the worst so I'm assuming that starting today, marriage will be easy and incredibly blissful! :) can't wait!)

Saturday, June 9, 2012

High School Fat

Our first wedding anniversary is tomorrow.  Insane.  Life is going ridiculously fast and I don't foresee it slowing down any time soon.

Feeling a bit nostalgic about life, I was looking through some old photo albums and scrapbooks and somehow ended up perusing some high school yearbooks.  I was good at high school.  Lots of friends, lots of success, homecoming court... Pretty good indeed.  But, like a lot of high school girls, I spent all four years insecure about my weight.  I mean, I was a cheerleader for Pete's sake (is Pete an actual person here that requires a capital 'P'?)!  Cheerleaders are supposed to be thin and beautiful and super super fit.  Well, that wasn't me.  I was a normal sized girl with a normal sized waist and thighs and (gasp!) I even had a booty!!  All the while though, I felt huge and struggled on a daily basis with my body insecurities...

Today, I look back at these photos and think, "I wish I was "high school fat" again!"   Turns out, high school fat wasn't actually fat at all.  It was curvy.  Beautiful, actually...  Now, 13 years out of high school and 35 pounds heavier, I've embarked on finding my way back to high school fat. Diet.  Exercise.   Dedication and determination... An exhausting process but one that I'm proud of.  Working my butt off and down 14 pounds... pretty good for an "old lady", huh?

Here's what I've learned in the last 6 weeks of this process.  It's not about losing weight.  I mean, it is, of course, but... it's more... it's... it's about finding my way back to being secure in my body, my appearance, and the person that I am... a wife, a teacher, a daughter, sister, aunt... mostly importantly though, a princess.  The daughter of a King!  A King who created me to be exactly who I am and to love exactly WHO I am, including the flab on my arms and the jiggle in my thighs.  I'm learning.  Learning how to eat healthier, learning how to read my body, but most importantly, learning how to love myself, exactly the way I am.

My prayer is that we would all find this peace.  Young or old, skinny or fat, cheerleaders or band members, single or married...

Psalms 139
13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

 May you know the love and security that comes from being a child of a great King.